I didn't want to leave but I also couldn't stay.
2010 carried such a bitter close.
To start with, I hadn't plotted hard enough to stay. Nor had I been taught or learned to survive. All that was ever offered to me was idle conspiratory theory!! All the acts of preservation within escapism prolonged my suffrage.
2010 carried such a bitter close.
To start with, I hadn't plotted hard enough to stay. Nor had I been taught or learned to survive. All that was ever offered to me was idle conspiratory theory!! All the acts of preservation within escapism prolonged my suffrage.
I'd stock piled enough for my own life. I needed to fall into grips with what i was dealt. Gathering no real achievable plan to propel myself forward. Definitely ready for my own way; but finding that I was taking a back burn to a way forward.
Languishing, Dragging on. Waiting for an out. Without vision.
It wasn't the city, the places, or my stomping grounds that I was struggling with.
Sticking around my stomping grounds, was the way I chose to cope with the horrible reality of being a middle Sweden to the selfish & difunctionally abusive habits of others that I found discomfort in.
I realize that now, in retro spec.
The ghost; is my parents dysfunctional relationship, full of crazed dissatisfaction, rampit onto others. I've found that I am a sort of crutch for my mother. I don't regret giving back to her the support & comfort she sot. I could have help a better supporting role.
I recall knowing from age 13 forward, there was something silent & horrible going on.
15 years I stood by, being driven batty.
9 years over due for my own life.
I blame the lack of side walks for bringing me this perspective.
I miss my haunts & my kind & loyal best friends. Few as they are
The hand full of them are well enough. I very much enjoy seeing them succeed & thrive.
I never really came up with a way to tell those closest to me, that the time had arrived for the next terrible chapter. I had spoken on the topic from time to time, but never announced it properly. With definitive move dates. Only, skipping past everything into perpetual life updates.
Two years in the too quiet boarder B.L.M forested woods, drove me to miss sidewalks. The deer chewed their midnight dinner so loudly among the wind whispering threw the evergreen trees, it made me plot unapologetic slaughter to my vegetarian animal friends.
Church & grocery's where the most exciting chores. Followed by seasonal community happenings.
If not for the lack of challenging work, & familiar comforts; that sort of peaceful existence would have been enjoyable.
2013. Thanksgiving; delivered me to Seattle with plans for an Oct.18th 2014 wedding party.
Had I forseen the next 9 years, I wish my 19 year old self had been shoulder shook into since in telling all to F off while I finish my goals.
Languishing, Dragging on. Waiting for an out. Without vision.
It wasn't the city, the places, or my stomping grounds that I was struggling with.
Sticking around my stomping grounds, was the way I chose to cope with the horrible reality of being a middle Sweden to the selfish & difunctionally abusive habits of others that I found discomfort in.
I realize that now, in retro spec.
The ghost; is my parents dysfunctional relationship, full of crazed dissatisfaction, rampit onto others. I've found that I am a sort of crutch for my mother. I don't regret giving back to her the support & comfort she sot. I could have help a better supporting role.
I recall knowing from age 13 forward, there was something silent & horrible going on.
15 years I stood by, being driven batty.
9 years over due for my own life.
I blame the lack of side walks for bringing me this perspective.
I miss my haunts & my kind & loyal best friends. Few as they are
The hand full of them are well enough. I very much enjoy seeing them succeed & thrive.
I never really came up with a way to tell those closest to me, that the time had arrived for the next terrible chapter. I had spoken on the topic from time to time, but never announced it properly. With definitive move dates. Only, skipping past everything into perpetual life updates.
Two years in the too quiet boarder B.L.M forested woods, drove me to miss sidewalks. The deer chewed their midnight dinner so loudly among the wind whispering threw the evergreen trees, it made me plot unapologetic slaughter to my vegetarian animal friends.
Church & grocery's where the most exciting chores. Followed by seasonal community happenings.
If not for the lack of challenging work, & familiar comforts; that sort of peaceful existence would have been enjoyable.
2013. Thanksgiving; delivered me to Seattle with plans for an Oct.18th 2014 wedding party.
Had I forseen the next 9 years, I wish my 19 year old self had been shoulder shook into since in telling all to F off while I finish my goals.
